Angsty angsty post…

I can’t wait to go home and not have to worry about anything.  I just want to sit in my backyard, with my friends, have some laughs, feel totally relaxed and happy…

Why am I such a fucking nice person >.> I can’t bear to put any negativity upon someone unless it’s a family member or a significant other (maybe).   I can feel it building up, I really can, and one of these days I’m just going to explode…not good…and where is Dushaun when I need him?!  That’s another thing, I dislike worrying so much… He hasn’t called me or been online for several days so I’m worried something may have happened to him.  It’s never “Oh well, he’s just been busy,” NO it’s “Oh my god wtf something must have happened to him” and I always imagine the worse case scenario – car accident, robbery, freak accident…ugh how lame…now I have to vent on this blog instead of to him…blogging is like talking to a fucking wall.

Why is it that my good friends are the ones who sign their lives to the military?  Max is overseas, and will be for the next several months.  He’s usually the guy who I like to call when I’m home and just hang out, talk and have some coffee with… Dan is in Afghanistan, and told me recently he got into his first fire-fight the other day….after reassuring me NOT to worry because he’s in a safe area!  I wonder if Dushaun has already started his army training…maybe that’s why he’s been gone.

I want to go home and eat my grandma’s tomatoes, relax in my sea-green colored room, and cook in a kitchen with actual counter space!!

I don’t feel alive.